How many emo kids does😂😂 it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
What did the Titanic say🤣🤣 as it sank? I’m nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenge!
My parents raised me as😂😂 an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
My grandfather said my🤣🤣 generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
What’s red and bad for🤣🤣 your teeth? A brick.
Where did Joe go after😂😂 getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
You know you’re not liked😂😂 when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
The doctor gave me one🤣🤣 year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
I just read that someone🤣🤣 in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
When does a joke become😂😂 a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
My wife is mad that I have🤣🤣 no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Give a man a match😂😂, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Want to know how you🤣🤣 make any salad into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
Why did the man miss😂😂 the funeral? He wasn’t a mourning person.
I visited my new friend in his apartment🤣🤣. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
What does my dad have😂😂 in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
Even people who are good🤣🤣 for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when you push them down the stairs.
I don’t have a carbon footprint😂😂. I just drive everywhere.
Don’t challenge Death🤣🤣 to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
The doctor gave me some🤣🤣 cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
As I get older, I remember 😂😂all the people I lost along the way. Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Today, I asked my phone😂😂 “Siri, why am I still single?” and it activated the front camera.
My grief counselor died🤣🤣. He was so good, I don’t even care.
I just got my doctor’s🤣🤣 test results and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.