I have a fish that can breakdance! 😎😎Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
Why do vampires seem sick?😜😜 They’re always coffin.
My mother said one man’s😄😄 trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out I’m adopted.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns😳😳? Because they taste funny.
What’s pink and dangerous😚😚 for your tooth? A brick.
I have a fish that can breakdance😏😏. Just for 20 seconds though and only once.
My parents raised me as an only😄😄 child, which really pissed off my sister.
I have a joke about trickle down😜😜 economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
You know you’re not liked when😎😎 you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why don’t skeletons ever go😜😜 trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
I threw a boomerang a few😄😄 years ago. I now live in constant fear.
Why are friends a lot like snow😚😚? If you pee on them, they disappear.
My favorite film is The Hunchback😜😜 of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Wife: “I want another baby.” 😄😄Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
My boss told me to have a good😳😳 day. So I went home.
You’re not completely useless😏😏. You can always serve as a bad example.
The guy who stole my diary😄😄 just died. My thoughts are with his family.
I childproofed my house 😎😎Somehow they still got in!
I just got my doctor’s test results😄😄 and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous😏😏. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
I have a stepladder because😚😚 my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
What did the asteroid that killed😳😳 the dinosaurs say? “T. rex, I’m coming for my hug!”
The most corrupt CEOs are those😄😄 of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
I don’t have a carbon footprint😎😎. I just drive everywhere.