I have a fish that can breakdance! ????????Only for 20 seconds, though, and only once.
Why do vampires seem sick????????? They’re always coffin.
My mother said one man’s???????? trash is another man’s treasure. Turns out I’m adopted.
Why don’t cannibals eat clowns????????? Because they taste funny.
What’s pink and dangerous???????? for your tooth? A brick.
I have a fish that can breakdance????????. Just for 20 seconds though and only once.
My parents raised me as an only???????? child, which really pissed off my sister.
I have a joke about trickle down???????? economics. But 99 percent of you will never get it.
You know you’re not liked when???????? you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why don’t skeletons ever go???????? trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
I threw a boomerang a few???????? years ago. I now live in constant fear.
Why are friends a lot like snow????????? If you pee on them, they disappear.
My favorite film is The Hunchback???????? of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
Wife: “I want another baby.” ????????Husband: “That’s a relief, I also really don’t like this one.”
My boss told me to have a good???????? day. So I went home.
You’re not completely useless????????. You can always serve as a bad example.
The guy who stole my diary???????? just died. My thoughts are with his family.
I childproofed my house ????????Somehow they still got in!
I just got my doctor’s test results???????? and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
Patient: Oh doctor, I’m just so nervous????????. This is my first operation. Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
I have a stepladder because???????? my real ladder left when I was just a kid.
What did the asteroid that killed???????? the dinosaurs say? “T. rex, I’m coming for my hug!”
The most corrupt CEOs are those???????? of the pretzel companies. They’re always so twisted.
I don’t have a carbon footprint????????. I just drive everywhere.